Loving Kindness Technique Practice

This week’s exercise was to listen to a loving kindness practice and to participate in the experience.  At first we were instructed to mediate on a person that we felt strong loving feelings for and to concentrate on them and those feelings.  I found that after a time my face was aching terribly and I realized I was smiling so much from these concentrated feelings of love that my face hurt!  Next we were instructed to turn those same loving feelings inwards towards ourselves and I found this okay, but the experience was not comfortable.  I do believe that taking time to do this on a daily basis would be constructive and that this practice would become more comfortable each day.  Next, we were instructed to focus on a loved one that was suffering and to breathe in their suffering and breathe out loving kindness and healing toward that person.  That was very comfortable for me to do as I am basically a people pleaser.  The next step was to focus on a small group of people and then on a large group of people who are suffering and to breathe in their suffering and breathe out loving kindness towards them.  I found this more difficult.  The small group was comfortable and I could tolerate the ensuing feelings.  The large group was uncomfortable for me as I pictured a cross section of Floridians who I see suffering, i.e., street people, poor people, neglected children, people using substances who are in despair, etc. all standing in a large group in front of the Washington Monument!  (This is the visual that came to my mind!)  I then tried to breathe in their suffering and did to a degree but I found it overwhelming and when I felt overwhelmed I found myself feeling thoughts that were negative and critical as to why they were there in the first place.  I believe these critical thoughts were a form of self preservation to deflect the feelings of their suffering.  I breathed out as much loving kindness as I could muster.  This part of the exercise will take work and opened a window into my soul as to how I subconsciously judge people.  I did not enjoy seeing this negative behavior in myself as I like to think of myself as a sweet person.  I found this exercise to be beneficial as it has shown me a part of my character that I need to work on.  I also would like to start the day meditating on loving kindness so that I will continue to treat others as I would want to be treated and to be patient with people who may be slower than I am. I would also desire to be more understanding of others actions and believe that their actions are the best that they can do at that moment in time.  I would highly recommend this exercise to anyone who wants to expand their growth as a human being.